I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
