I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
