my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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