i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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