Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
