Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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