I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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