I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
