This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
