Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
