There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
