whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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