He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
