I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
