My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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