good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
