It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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