non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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