I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
