ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
