So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
