Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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