Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
