Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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