Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
