but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
