I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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