I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
