I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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