If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
