If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
