No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
