I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize