Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
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I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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