literally had 100 drinks last night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
