The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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