I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
