i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
