We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
