Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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