And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
