i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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