Cold hands, warm shart.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
