Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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