alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
