omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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