When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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