omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
