I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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