I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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