I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
