and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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