just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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