i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
