Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
