I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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