I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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