I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
