im six kinds of drunk right now
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
