Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
