I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
