If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
