also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
