I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
