dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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