If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there