someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
