youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
