Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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