i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
