Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
