I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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