Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I looked at my own cervix.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
