There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
