I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
