Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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