I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
