Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
