So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
