I wish I could punch you in the face.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
