I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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