Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Randomize
