I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
